Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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