Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just threw up on my dentist
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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