everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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