I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
