we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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