Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
