dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
