you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
