and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
