ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drake has all the answers
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
