My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
