it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
