Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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