can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
