Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
