If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
