Already got asked if we're dating
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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