I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
