What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love having hate sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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