oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize