I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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