Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize