when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
