She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
