when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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