Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I party with great urgency now.
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