she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize