Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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