Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
