This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize