okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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