is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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