you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
