Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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