I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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