When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
