only you would photoshop your dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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