If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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