mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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