But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
