As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This house was built for laser tag.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
