just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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