how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
