Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
