Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
