sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
