no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
