remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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