I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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