tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
