i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
