We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
