She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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