Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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