My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
