I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
