tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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