oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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