he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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