She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
