oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
