Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
