I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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