hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
