All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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