OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
