btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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