You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
