K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
