I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
