I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
