Your tits are I can't wait for
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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