I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
