it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
