I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
