he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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