i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
