she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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